By Now
by XxAlphaSterekXx
Summary: Oneshot: Derek was getting way to close to Stiles. he was afraid of that. Until Stiles shows him how broken he is.


**By Now**

_(How've you been? Can I come in? Just came to get my things and then I guess I'm leaving. If I could say, what you'd like to hear, I'd whisper in your ear, it's only temporary. But I've been taking you for granted. And I'd thought you'd feel the same as me, It's time that I come clean but, but for now can we, just both pretend to sleep?- By Now Artist: Marianas Trench)_

**_ONESHOT_**

Stiles Stilinski sat at the foot of his bed, staring out the window, seeing dull, black rain clouds covering the night sky. It was midnight, and he couldn't sleep. Nothing seemed to go right in his life. His father, A.K.A the Sheriff, was out working while he was alone.

It seemed like his father didn't even know him. His father didn't even come for his 17th birthday, and even Scott ditched him for Allison. He felt like his life was unraveling, thread by lonely thread. No one seemed to care, either. And then Derek came into his life.

The sourwolf of the pack. But that same sourwolf, seemed to be the ying to his yang. Stiles seemed to be the only one to push his buttons without getting injured, or a growl. Derek would simply let out a stupid sigh. Unlike the others, he wouldn't get a murdering growl, or a 'Shut up.' It was those little things that made Stiles feel perfect.

But now, he didn't think right.

A couple months later, they started dating, closer than ever. It was perfect. Stiles waking up to Derek's green-grey eyes staring at him with a hint of smile dancing on his lips. Their legs tangled together, the sheets being hogged by either one of them a night.

It made Stiles insides turn warm, and make him feel wanted. His whole life was horrible. His mother died from cancer when he was younger, and his father would get drunk and eat unhealthy foods until he finally got a health problem. Stiles would hide in his bedroom, hearing his father cry himself to sleep, not stable without his wife around.

Stiles, unlike his father, did not like the vodka and other alcohol he was drinking every night. It ruined Stiles physically and mentally. His father would call him things...things that got into his mind and haunted his dreams, circling over and in his head like a tornado.

Worthless. Fat. Stupid. Useless. Disgusting. Imperfect. That he killed his mother. His father went overboard when he was drunk. _How do you feel? How do you feel, knowing you killed your innocent mother, you little bastard. Your a worthless, pathetic fool, who deserves to die. Go kill yourself._ Then a wine or first would connect with his face or stomach, or his arm.

For some reason, he never told his father when he woke up, not remembering a thing. When he saw the cuts and bruises, he'd never know it was him, then help him clean them.

But even that didn't help.

He was a punching bag at school, and no one gave a shit. Scott didn't even notice anything wrong him him. Not even if he had a bruise on his face, under his eye. When he had to have stitches under his elbow. When he had a bloody nose, he walked past him, and Scott wasn't even looking, just talking to some girl about Lacrosse.

Stiles always wondered why he loved people that never cared for him. Then Scott became a werewolf, and he knew more about his 'best friend'. And that's how he met Derek. He still had the old scars on his body, plus the ones on his arm that he gave himself.

Littered scars on his thighs and the insides of his wrist and arms. Not even Scott noticed, he just used Stiles. Not like Stiles cared. He's known him since forever.

Then Scott did one thing Stiles never thought he would do. Ignore him for Allison sex on his mother's death anniversary. Stiles was a wreck that night, and didn't know how to cope. So he took his shiny blade and cut jagged, thick, deep scars in his arms and thighs after his father threw a bottle at him and blamed him for his mother's death.

After he finished, he threw the supplies in his closet, running out of the house while his father threw a throw chair at him, smacking him square in the back of the head, not hard enough to cut or draw blood, but enough to give him a headache.

Stiles ran, and when he called Scott, crying frantically trying to tell him his situation. _Stiles, not the time for your bullshit, I'm with Allison, so I have to go, bye. _

Stiles cried harder than before, tears and sweat mixing with blood as he ran into the forest, and threw himself on the ground, next to a lake. He was crying violently, still wondering why this was happening to him, when he let out a blood curdling scream, making an type of bird or animal run, surprised by the scream.

He then couldn't settle, and from a short distance, he saw an old knife in the patch of grass. He breathed in, thinking it was a sign to end his life. Once he had the knife, he ran it into his arms over and over again, screaming each time, knowing if someone heard him, they wouldn't help.

Stiles was a lost soul, knowing he could die within seconds if no one helped him. He cut the deepest scar, the thickest scar, that made him lose blood fast, making him dizzy. _Help. _

The next day he woke up in the hospital. _Who saved me. Why. No. I want to be dead. Now. _He immediately saw his life line. He didn't even hesitate, just reached out for it, but before he could even get close to touching it, a hand grabbed it softly, making him look up with wide, amber eyes.

Stiles was shocked. The person, the only person that was there, helping him, the person that saved him...was Derek Hale. ''Why.'' He demanded in a hushed voice. Stiles felt tears rise in his eyes, seeing how wrecked Derek looked.

Derek was then cradling him in his arms while Stiles burst out into tears. ''It hurts!'' He said, wetting Derek's shirt. ''Shh...I know. I know.''

Then the next few weeks came. No one knew about it. Stiles father even didn't. _Why didn't they contact him at the hospital? Right. He's been on a business trip. _

He and Derek then started dating, and Derek was always protecting him. Stiles would be staring underneath his jacket sleeves, looking at the jagged stitches from his cuts, and Derek would hold him in his arms. _How could he ever love someone as ugly as me? _Stiles thought.

Now, Stiles was hopeless. After the whole incident, Derek now had to leave. Stiles was in Derek's jacket, staring out the window as thunder boomed across the sky, and cars drove by. _He's abandoning me, isn't he? _

Derek called, telling Stiles he would be going back to the town he left after his family died. Stiles never knew the town, but he knew it wasn't here, and he hated that.

He hated how Derek stitched his life back together, and now he's leaving. Not leaving him, He's basically abandoning him. And that's leaving the worst scar on Stiles heart. _I have to find him. _

Stiles got up, still in Derek's jacket, running down the stairs and out of his house, noticing his car wasn't there. ''Shit it's in the workshop.'' Stiles cursed like a sailor when it started raining. He was getting pelted by little droplets of rain when he asked Scott where he was.

_He should already be at the airport by now, why?_

Stiles ignored him, stuffing his phone back in his pocket as the rain started coming down heavier. The airport is close to here. He started running, tears and rain bottling against his cheeks.

_''Stiles?'' Derek asked softly, knocking on the door softly, pushing it open. He smelled blood, and could hear Stiles whimpering. Derek, suddenly alarmed, ran to the bathroom, and pushing it open, so see Stiles on the floor, in his boxers, trying to cover his thighs with a towel, but failing. _

_He looked stressed, and has blood splattered all over his thighs. ''Why did you do it...'' Stiles looked up, tears spilling down his cheeks. ''D-ere-k, p-please...he-help.'' The younger boy said, his chest heaving up and down,while he tried to clean his thighs, but rubbing the scabs off, making him bleed more. _

_Derek, now sinking to his knees, staring at the bloody, scattered scars, and felt guilt in his chest. He reached forward and stopped Stiles from squirming and leaned down, kissing a scar that was near his knee. ''What are you doing?'' Stiles asked, now suddenly all pain and hurt gone, looking at Derek, who was kissing all the scars, the bleeding ones, the old ones, and even the ones the faded, but could still see. _

_When he was finally done, the blood had dried, and he layed his head in Stiles lap. ''Don't do that again.'' He said, looking like he had seem a ghost. Stiles was shocked at Derek's reaction, but brushed his hands in Derek's hair. ''Why did you react that way? And why where you kissing my thighs?''_

Derek_ gulped. ''Your the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't wanna miss you right now...'' He said, quoting him and Stiles song. Stiles breath hitched, but he put his hands on Derek's cheeks, and leaned down, kissing him. _

_''Promise me, you'll never leave me...I wouldn't make life through without you.'' Stiles said silently. Derek stared into his eyes, arms limply by his side and knees tucked underneath him. ''Of course.'' He said, kissing Stiles. _

Stiles, before he knew it, in the pouring rain, was in front of the airport. He faintly saw Derek under a umbrella, walking inside. ''No. Stop.'' Stiles whispered. He saw Derek freeze in his place, looking up, and sideways. ''Behind you.'' Stiles whispered, knowing Derek could hear him.

Then Derek turned, and Stiles was staring into the green-grey eyes that haunted his dreams at night. Stiles stepped forward, clothes sticking to him in the rain, but could still smell Derek's cologne on the jacket he wore. ''Why'd you leave me?'' He said silently, watching as Derek stared, poker face as people pushed past him.

Before he knew it, Stiles was running forward, and jumping into Derek's arms. ''Why?'' Stiles asked, now standing in front of him, both of them in the rain, no one around or looking at them. It was like a movie, and neither of them cared if they would get sick. If they did, they would get sick together.

Stiles stared at him, feeling his heart slowly sew together, but somehow, still be ripped apart. ''Why? Why did you leave me?'' Stiles asked, his heart thumping in his chest as he stared at Derek. Seeing Derek after about 2 days, frightened him because he didn't look like the loving, caring Derek he was when they where alone.

''Because.'' He said. Stiles gaped at him before slapping him, hard, right across the face. ''_Because?!" _Stiles spat the word out like venom as Derek held the cheek he slapped. ''Because I was afraid of losing you!'' Derek screamed, making Stiles flinched, stepping back.

Derek never yelled at Stiles. Even if he would push him way to far. Stiles was crying again, holding his hands to his face, and when Derek tried to hug him, he started slapping his chest. Derek finally forced him into a hug, while Stiles sobbed violently.

''You promised.'' Stiles said, crying into his chest. Derek sighed, looking out into the rain. ''It has to be done.'' Stiles pushed him off. ''NO IT DOESN'T!'' He screamed, stomping his foot. ''YOU DON'T GET IT DO YOU!?" He yelled, rubbing the tears and rain from his cheeks, only to have more fill in their place.

Derek sighed. ''I do-'' ''NO YOU DON'T. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IF FEELS LIKE. YOU COMPLETED ME, SAVED MY LIFE, MADE MY LIFE WORTH SOMETHING, AND NOW YOU ARE LEAVING!'' Stiles screamed, dropping to his knees, putting his head in his palms, tears racking from his body violently.

''I can't stay forever.'' Derek said simply. Stiles stared up at him, tears still in his eyes, his heart shattering and falling to the deep depths of his stomach. ''Why. Not!? You promised, you PROMISED. WHY?'' Stiles said, loudly, screaming up at the sky as he sat on his knees.

''WHY DO YOU HATE ME! WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE! YOU TAKE EVERYONE I LOVE AND TURN THE OTHER AGAISNT ME. JUST KILL ME ALREADY!" Stiles screamed, falling forward, and laying on the ground, not caring if he was getting dirty. ''Stiles, get up.''

''No.'' ''Get up.'' ''No.''

That's when Stiles felt arms pick him up and walk under a shelter. ''So your leaving...and leaving me her broken?'' Stiles said quietly. Derek sighed.

''No.'' Stiles heart stopped and he looked up at him, amber eyes wide and full of hope. ''I love you so much, I can't let you go.'' Derek said, still holding Stiles as he slid on the ground, Stiles in his lap.

''You mean-'' ''I'm staying.''

Stiles cried, trapping his arms around his neck, sobbing violently. ''Never leave me, please, you complete me.'' Derek breathed in Stiles scent.

''I promise.''

And that time, he will keep his promise.


End file.
